One of the most common societal misconceptions about life is that it is linear. From the moment that we are old enough to process complex thoughts, we are told that we will spend our time between birth and death transitioning from one progressive stage to the next. We’re told that we will go to school, graduate and attend college, get a job, meet a partner, have a family and eventually grow old, contented in the knowledge that we have ticked all the boxes that we are advised we must.
Because of this, we believe that everything has a time and place. We convince ourselves that there is a right time to fall in love, to focus on personal development, or to pursue our careers and education. When we believe that we should be directing our energy towards one aspect of our wellbeing, many of us begin to neglect all others, creating an imbalance within our lives that can damage the happiness we all strive towards.
We convince ourselves that because we haven’t finished our education or landed our dream job, that we shouldn’t find a partner and fall in love. Or that because we had a child at a young age, we can’t go back and complete our studies or start the business we have always yearned to create.
But life’s trajectory isn’t linear. It’s cyclical. And we as human beings must learn to be malleable, drifting with the ebbs and flows of the universe as they pull us to and from our heart’s truest desires.
In 2016, I set myself a goal. I wanted to write a love story. My reason for doing so was simple: I had hit rock bottom in my life, and I needed a way to find my feet again. At twenty-seven years of age, I had just had my heart ripped out by a girl and was so down that I became convinced that I would never find someone to fall in love with. I had to fight just to find a reason to stay alive. In addition to feeling like life had just knocked me down, I was viewing my life as a linear progression of events that had just been derailed, exacerbating the pain that I was feeling.
But rather than throw away what was left of my life, I made a choice to write about the very thing that pained me, confronting my fears and creating the happy ending that I believed I would never experience. When I first started to work on the novel, I told myself that it was time for me to focus on my career as a writer. I put everything else in my life on hold to concentrate on creating a manuscript that showed my own personal enlightenment and growth.
A lot of positives came out of what I did. Through producing the script, I began to understand who I really was, what I valued most, and how to shed the fears and anxieties that had lived inside of my head. But I also created a new imbalance between the world I was creating in my mind, and the one that I was withdrawing from on a daily basis. I was so focused on achieving a goal that had spawned from a place of great pain, that I missed out on experiencing some truly special moments, as well as opportunities to appreciate just how wonderful life really is.
The first time that I realised I had created an imbalance within myself was when I was partway through editing my novel. I met a girl. Well, kind of. We actually met a long time ago, and I have always known that there was something about her that could take my breath away. But I somehow convinced her to meet me for a coffee. When she showed up and smiled at me, there was a shift inside my soul and I felt something that I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
I felt butterflies in my stomach, and a pinch in my chest as if I’d taken an arrow through the heart. By the time our brief encounter was over I had realised that meeting her was the universe’s way of pulling me away from focusing so intensely on producing a manuscript, and guiding me towards something far greater. I didn’t fall for her because she was beautiful. That would be too clichéd. I fell for her because even though she has a smile that causes a kaleidoscope of butterflies to take flight within my abdomen, she’s also intelligent, mischievous, funny, brave, bold, compassionate and so connected to her own heart and mind that she makes me want to be a better man.
In the months since we first sat on a patch of grass and rubbed her dog’s belly while she teased me for taking milk with my coffee, I have made a fool of myself more than once. I’ve told her that I want to be her partner, that I love her, and that when I’m around her I feel as though I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’ve written blog posts about flowers coming to bloom, and sent her a short story just because she was on my mind. And yet, while the cyclical arc of my life has brought me to the most unlikely of places where I have found someone I would walk through hell for, her life hasn’t arrived at that point just yet.
The person that I was a year ago would have struggled with the knowledge that he had fallen for someone who wasn’t in the same headspace that he was. He would have crumbled underneath the weight of his own insecurities, and cursed at the universe for constantly trying to pull him away from his linear path. But that’s not who I am anymore. In the space of twelve months I have transitioned from boy with no desire to live, to a writer who momentarily hid himself away from the world, to a man comfortable enough with himself to acknowledge that he has found a woman he could happily spend his life sharing adventures and creating memories with.
Yet while I know what my heart wants, I don’t think that the time for her and I is right now.
The universe hasn’t brought her to the same place as I am for a reason. She still has a few dreams that she wants to achieve on her own. But I honestly believe that she’ll be a part of my life forever. And that one day soon our souls will melt together like colours smeared across an artist’s canvas. Until then, I’ll cherish the moments that we share together and remind myself that you should never rush something that is meant to last.
When I started writing this post I had planned on doing a wrap up of 2017. I was going to talk about the challenges I had faced writing a love story, and what I had learned about myself while producing entries for this blog. But then I realized that doing so would be falling into the same mindset of predetermined progression that I always had. So, I decided to acknowledge that right now I’m happier than I have ever been in my life instead.
By allowing myself the freedom to open my heart and write with absolutely vulnerability, I’ve learned how to be free from the anxieties that turned much of my earlier work into disjointed garbage. By embracing my passions, I have been afforded the opportunity to work with one of my closest friends to launch a new venture that involves other artists and an origami wolf. And by taking a risk and asking a girl I’d always known was beautiful out for a coffee, I have found someone that I long to make memories with.
2017 was a year of introspection and rediscovering who I am. It was a year of slaving away at my desk, pouring my heart and soul into my work in an effort to understand what it is that I value, what I love, and what dreams I truly wish to become my reality. But as the new year fast approaches, I realise that I’ve always known who I am. I just lost sight of that person for a while.
My name is Chris Nicholas. I’m a writer, a wolf, a brother and son. I’m a man about to embark on a new journey with his creative passions; and a lover excited at the possibility of a lifetime of adventures with a soul who vibrates at a frequency that mirrors my own. I hope that when I can finally share my new venture with my readers, they are as excited as I am to be a part of something new, and that together we can change the literary industry forever. And I dream that one day I no longer have to refer to the woman I fell for as my Horizon or Belle Âme.
151 thoughts on “Belle Âme”
Absolutely beautifully expressed. I completely agree that it is so easy to forget who we really are. Keep writing and living with your wonderful zest. And never allow yourself to get locked into the misconception that life is linear.
This is very beautiful, Chris. I’m excited for you and everything happening for you! 😊 She is a lucky woman. I wish you the absolute best with everything. Can’t wait for your next post!
Absolutely stunning piece. Sunk deep in my heart. Thank you for such a wonderful post.
Wish you all the best and all that you desire in the years to come…Yes, you are right in a way…We keep ignoring the present with the thought that we are not ready while chasing other things which are mere mirages…
Well done! Have been through similar and opening more each day to a greater love than ever imagined. Wish you all the best!
Beautiful article, life is definitely cyclical and anything can be achieved at any time .
This is absolutely magnificent and I thank you for sharing it. Such a good reminder. One that I really need to take to heart. Again, thank you. I love this.
I loved reading this! So fluid, such flow! So dramatic and intense! We have to live life with passion and it doesn’t matter in what order, I hate that societal order thing…. just be, just do you!!!! 🙂 Just love life and enjoy it! Looking for
ward to more of your beautiful words!
Great writing. I hit rock bottom in my life this year, 2017. A series of event that happened since October last year had weighed me down, made me slipped into severe depression and sent me spiralled downward. I have just started out with my blog recently as a self-healing therapy.It helps.
Dealing with loss of any kind, of a lover, of a loved one, is always hard, and, no matter how hard we want to, we can never get the past back, and so, we learn to cope with the pains, the losses of our lives, we grieve for our pasts and presents, and maybe even what’s to come too, then, we steady our foothold for whatever comes next in life.
You’re so right, lifes trajectory isn’t linear and it took me awhile to realise that was ok. Beautifully written.
This is both beautiful and inspiring. I love it
This is so moving. Beautifully expressed.
Love, love, love this post. Keep writing and sharing. We all need it. You are a talent.
Good for you!
It just shows how you just never know what’s gonna happen…
Love & Happiness to you 💖
Your journey is just beginning my dear. But the fact that you have found “the someone” you want to travel those paths with, is going to make it so much easier. Good luck Chris and happy travels! 😀
Lovely post. You have found a knowledge that many never find in a life time. Happy travels.
Great post 😀
I can’t wait to read your book! Please give us details as soon as possible. 🙂
I find myself constantly reminding myself that life isn’t a straight line, regardless of how much I’d like it to be. Everything happens when it’s supposed to and it takes a big person to be able to wait until then. Thank you for sharing your story with us so beautifully!
Life is certainly cyclical – I’ve enjoyed reading this – and should hard times hit again – remember – life is cyclical 🙂
*Applause* 👏👏 I’ll tell you one thing, your a better writer than me 😅. But seriously though, I can definitely see a career as a writer for you. One note though (I don’t know your religion) but…the universe did not send that girl into your life, Jesus Christ did. He sent her to bring you out of a season, and bring you closer to Him. God is in control of it all. Keep up the good work 😉✌
It’s great to share your experiences with people.. you never know.. who will get benefit from it..
I enjoyed reading your story
It was pretty cool
‘2017 was a year of introspection and rediscovering who I am. It was a year of slaving away at my desk, pouring my heart and soul into my work in an effort to understand what it is that I value, what I love, and what dreams I truly wish to become my reality. But as the new year fast approaches, I realise that I’ve always known who I am. I just lost sight of that person for a while’
This isn’t the only part of the post that I can relate to. Thank you for putting into words how I feel and putting into perspective how my life has developed significantly in 2017.
Great read to wake up to 🙂 x
Beautifully expressed. Love is the feeling that inspires you, courage you and strengthen you. Don’t loose hope i wish to God that soon you will be with her😊😊
I really like your writing Chris! Keep up the good work! 😀
First of all this post was written beautifully. But more importantly, I’m amazed that I just wrote a post so damn similar to this one. Well, the first part of lives not being linear, anyway. I’m at the low point right now and I hope I can turn it into something great just like you did! Kudos!
Almost brought me to tears… I’m almost in the exact same head space right now. I’m just letting the universe do it’s thing 💕🤟🏽
Not to be taken personally, but I’d rather leave the universe alone: it really hasn’t got anything to do with our earthly affairs. Also I’d take this chance to warn you against heading like you seem to be doing for the next knock down in line. All things, beautiful or otherwise, come and go. The wise man knows how to keep a distance.
Chris this is amazing, really deep and really thought provoking. Thank you for reminding me of all those things 🙂 It’s easy to forget that we’re always in such a rush to do everything that we’re told is “normal life” and “progression” that we miss out on the little things.
It is refreshing to see someone write from the heart and expose their deepest feelings. Well done.
This is a sweet story. Can I call this a maturation experience?
This is beautiful. It’s given me hope! And your words resonate so deeply with me. Congratulations for the happiness and positivity in store for you
”But life’s trajectory isn’t linear. It’s cyclical. And we as human beings must learn to be malleable, drifting with the ebbs and flows of the universe as they pull us to and from our heart’s truest desires.”
This really struck a chord with me at a moment when I needed it most. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this, and thank you for reading my blog as well. Wishing you every happiness for the new year ahead (in a nonlinear fashion, of course.)
OMG. I think I just fell in love with you. Bastard – hate it when that happens. I was about to make a coffee and find some socks because my dressing gown covers only to my knees and sat at the computer for the previous hour, my feet have gone numb. You like my ants and I read your life. Jeez.
I did not know real men ever felt like that. I hoped they might, but I’d not seen evidence. Your writing is .. (how can I find words that are not predictable ..) off the scale effective in bringing the reader closer. Bravo.
Now, can I buy your published work on amazon I wonder …. *shuffles off on cold feet to boil kettle and check in out*
Beautifully written. I am much older than you are and so you will forgive comment about the soul. And the spirit.
it is spirit that is the repository of the best intentions, the hopes and love of our species. This that you have written is insprited and is why people are responding so gratefully and joyfully.
The soul is something else. It is what keeps you alive. it is yours alone. It cannot be mated. It is a shy creature, withdraws into solitude and quiet and the moist dark at the slightest disturbance. It is what keeps you on your own path. Yours alone.
it is not I who made this up but when i heard these descriptions, i recognized that this is it. And that it is not your soul which is down because you have lost a love. The soul needs nobody and nothing but your care. And with that care, you will reach wherever it is you are going.
Not that companionship on your journey would not be helpful or itself inspiriting itself. But she has her own soul and souls need no mates. One reason such companionship is so hard!
Will be following you. With recognition and blessing!
This was beautiful… you managed to provide some clarity to something I’d been struggling with about falling for someone at the wrong time…. great post.
That was a beautiful post!
What a wonderful message this was or is. I am 53 years old, have never been married. I always wanted to be. It was my biggest goal when I was younger. Now, however, I want health and a self-sufficient life. (As you read in my blog post) Thanks for liking it, by the way. We live, and we learn–in our own timeline. It isn’t a one size fits all life.
Well said! I feel I’m at a stage where I want to plan out all the things. Just about to graduate, I want to quickly find a job, find a new place to live, find a partner to take care of each other…can’t wait to have the “linear life” and believe it can make me more secure. But life is not and shouldn’t be linear just like you said! This gives me courage to go for more adventures, thank you 🙂
This is so awesome! The honestly and vulnerability of this post is just what we all need! Thanks for liking my blog post, if you hadn’t, I might never have seen yours! 😀
I loved reading this, your writing is easy to be drawn to. I think a novel would be a great idea!
A great piece of writing!