The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

A wise man once said that patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. I always believed that I understood what he meant. I thought that he spoke of suffering; that one must sacrifice so that he may eventually prosper. I told myself that I wanted to be a writer, and that the yearning in my chest was the pain I had to endure in order to succeed. Because of this, I spent years fighting against a loneliness so encompassing that I could feel it in my bones. Then I met you. And I realised that I was wrong. It took my twenty-eight years to understand that the hole in my chest was the bitterness of waiting to meet someone who could take my breath away; and that there is no fruit as sweet as falling for a woman as beautiful as you.

It started with a photograph. Until then I had always considered myself a hopeless romantic. I thought that I would meet a girl and we’d hit it off right from the start. I dreamed that we’d bump into each other in the street, or meet through friends of a friend. I told myself that our conversation would flow easily; I would smile and say something clever, and as she laughed I would realise that our souls were destined to become intertwined.

I never imagined that I would stumble upon your photograph and feel a breath catch in the back of my throat. I didn’t think that I would spend weeks trying to introduce myself, before finally sending you an awkward message that just said hi. You were never meant to respond. You were gorgeous. I was just an ordinary man who felt his hands shake and his heart skip a beat when he saw you smile. But you wrote back and jokingly thanked me for not asking to see your feet. You seemed nonplussed by my awkward introduction, and as we spoke I realized that the beauty within you was even more incredible than the image that had captured my attention.

Since then we have spoken every day. With each conversation, I have learned more about who you are. I can remember your birthday, your favourite flowers, and the first time that you called me babe. I don’t think you meant it how I hope that you did. It was just an expression that you uttered without realising that it would make me stumble and fall head over heels for you.

But, while I’ve learned so much, I have said some stupid things too. I told you that I wanted to be your boyfriend; and you laughed and offered a polite no. It was naïve to say what I did. I know that I have found you at your lowest; when you are trying to find yourself. I understand that the timing is so wrong; but the butterflies in my stomach when I think about you just feel so damn right.

sonja-langford-313

I’m not writing this to say that I love you. We have really only just met. I’m just trying to find a way to tell you that you are a drop of honey that has fallen into my soul. The sweetness of your smile and the subtle touch of your kiss have stirred awake a part of me that I never knew existed.

You are a warm glow that has spread through my chest, and down the length of my limbs. I don’t love you. Not yet. But I know that I could be the single greatest thing that has ever happened in your life. If you gave me half a chance I would be the man who picked you up at 3am and dropped you home, and who carried your shoes inside when your feet hurt. I’d be the man who rubs your tummy when you’re sick, or writes terrible stories about your dog to make you laugh. And you…

…You would be my Lacuna.

I’ve been in love before. I still have the scars to prove it. I’ve never told you this; but it’s something that we both have in common. I found a girl that I assumed I would grow old with; she left me, and I thought that I would always be alone. But then came that drop of honey: the warm amber glow that lit up my soul when I saw you smiling in a photograph and realised that all hope was not lost.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this; or if I’ll ever get a chance to buy you flowers, to celebrate Christmas a day early, or to make your next birthday the most incredible one that you have ever had. I really hope that I do. I hope that when you find yourself again and you’re ready to open your heart, you remember that awkward message that brought me into your life. I’m not asking you to rush; I’m telling you to take your time. If I can have some fun with you, and make you smile until then, I’ll be the happiest man alive.

But if I never get a chance to show you just how much you could mean to me, and what it feels like to know that you’re no longer wasting your time: I want to thank you all the same. We may have only just met, but you’ve already taught me that there is no fruit as sweet as falling for someone as incredible as you. You’re the woman that made me realise how wonderful it is to feel a swarm of nervous butterflies in my stomach. You are the drop of honey that warmed my soul.

65 thoughts on “Honey

  1. Congratulations on getting to where you are now through love rather than hate 🙂 I think a lot of people can relate to this post

    1. catblog618 says:

      Thanks for following my blog; you are very kind. Please have a very good day.

  2. Botendaddy says:

    You can find true inner peace, young grasshopper, by the new Zen of running.

    Because running is so f@&King horrible, it makes you forget all your other troubles and focus on the fact that you can’t breathe, your legs are falling off and you’re suffering what feels like complete organ failure at the five mile mark.

    The ‘runner’s high’ occurs because running cuts off oxygen flow to the brain and you can’t remember that running sucks.

    Peace be the Botendaddy

  3. Jesus..that was one of the most beautiful, heartfelt declarations of ‘love’, even if in the sense of loving someone as a human being..that brought me to tears. You are, my boy, a writer, and a beautiful one, and you are a kind, gentle soul who is true to his heart and honest and willing to take a risk to find his person. Absolutely stunning post.

  4. This was so beautifully written. I hope you get your happy ending this time! 🙂

  5. A really beautifully written post.

  6. mscapricorn says:

    The way movies portray love is so misguided. Awesome post! Im glad there are still guys left in the world who are hopeless romantics.

  7. psiberite says:

    The flow of prose is so rhythmic, a cadence of pulchritude. Anand Bose from Kerala

  8. ChrisLearns says:

    You are the truth. I’ll be following you now. I can learn a lot about writing from you

  9. surfsensei says:

    What a great love letter! I wish you success! Following your blog too. 🙂

  10. Paul Trinh says:

    Such a prosaic voice you exhibit, and your skilled range of narratives are deeply felt. It is a fine body of writing.

  11. Somehow it makes me really happy that you’ve met this girl.

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