I recently celebrated my fourth anniversary of blogging here at The Renegade Press. As with the three anniversaries prior to this one, the moment was a bitter-sweet affair of pride and introspection. Blogging has become a passion, and a source of endless pleasure that I approach with great reverence as I attempt to pour my heart and soul into everything that I create. But it hasn’t always been this way. This website was born out of a need to find myself, and to overcome my own internal torment. Four years ago I was emotionally shattered, creatively stunted, and questioning the validity of my own existence as I battled my own private demons. I was lost inside my head, desperately searching for a purpose amongst an endless torrent of fractured, self-depreciating thoughts.
Thankfully I found that purpose; and I found myself through my writing. With each new post that I create I learn more about myself and the world than I ever thought possible. Writing is continuously helping me to become a man of tolerance, compassion, loyalty and fierce determination. But perhaps the greatest lesson that I have learned in the past four years is that the conversations that seem the hardest to have are oftentimes the ones that are most important.
In November 2015 I lost a friend to suicide. This month I lost another. For a man as petrified of death as I am, it can be incredibly confronting to lose a friend or family member. To have to accept the fragility of their morality, as well as my own scares me. To lose them to mental illness, the very affliction that pushed me into blogging in the first place, opens a chasm of sadness inside of my soul that will forever haunt me.
Recent studies compiled by the World Health Organisation suggest that global suicide rates have risen by sixty percent over the past forty-five years. This violent spike means that suicide is now one of the three leading causes of death for males and females aged 15-44. This statistic alone is staggering. When you then take a moment to consider that ninety percent of suicides worldwide can be attributed, or associated to mental health, a picture of sadness and vulnerability begins to take shape. There is a flaw in the manner in which we approach mental health and suicide. We are losing so many friends and family members prematurely.
That flaw is startlingly simple: we as a society are not communicating effectively enough about mental health and illness. Sure, people are more open to talking about suicide and depression than ever before. There is an abundance of mental health initiatives across the globe providing people with the support to overcome their own turmoil. But as a society we’re still not communicating. If we were, those organisations that are desperately trying to help strangers find beauty and meaning in their lives, or fighting valiantly to empower the vulnerable to face one more day, wouldn’t be struggling to prevent global suicide rates from reaching epidemic proportions.
OK. I want to stop for a moment and double back over that last comment and try and break it down a little. There was a linguistic sleight of hand in the preceding paragraph that may, or may not have found its mark. But it has to. I need you to understand where this flaw in our approach to mental health and suicide stems from. People are talking; or at least they are more willing to do so. And yet no one is communicating. What we are hearing when we talk to one another is the fake sound of progress. God, I hope that makes sense.
Talking and communication are two very different things. Talking is typically defined as the oral projection of one’s voice. Whereas communication is imparting, exchanging, and receiving information through a variety of means. Communication is listening, watching, comforting, and talking when needed. Organisations can talk to sufferers of mental illness and try to create and stimulate change. But we as individuals can communicate with them. We can hold their hand when they need a friend, or lend an ear when they want to talk. We can tear apart the idea that mental illness is something to be ashamed of and instead create a culture of support and understanding that praises someone for having the courage to seek help.
As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety, I know how difficult it can be to admit that you are struggling. I know the crushing feeling of despair that settles into the back of your mind and pushes down on your chest until you feel as though you are drowning underneath a sea of hopelessness. But thanks to blogging, I also know the feeling of release that comes with being able to open your heart and mind and communicate with your peers. There is no shame in admitting that you are vulnerable, depressed, or alone.
Mental illness is claiming far too many lives, and for me personally, it has taken too many wonderful people away from me far too soon. While I adore and admire the hardworking organisations that fight valiantly to save lives, I believe that we as individuals can have a far greater impact. We can start having conversations that might seem uncomfortable, or difficult to broach at first. We can stop turning a blind eye when we see a friend, or stranger struggling. We can give those in need an ear to talk to, or a hand to hold, instead of a cold shoulder and a diverted glance. And maybe in doing so we can stop people from feeling so fucking alone, or depressed, or broken that suicide becomes their only answer.
In my lowest moments it was the kindness of strangers who stopped by a shitty little blog originally called Chris Nicholas Writes that became the catalyst I needed to confront my sadness and find myself once again. To know that my friends were not so fortunate as to find the inner peace that I did brings me to tears. If my only accomplishment as a writer is to inspire someone, somewhere to communicate; to speak and to listen about mental health, anxiety and depression, I’ll die a happy man.
Share this:
The Renegade Press 
Powerful post Chris about an important subject.
Very valid points. Having recently spent 6 weeks off work, with a month in hospital due to suicidal thoughts caused by loneliness and depression, this touched me deeply.
Thank you for sharing Chris. You are an inspiration!❤️ Lisa
Yes, it’s being listened to that’s the really important part of coping with/recovering from mental illness – or with anything else that’s troubling for that matter. A powereful post as always, Chris. All the best.
That’s what my blog is for. A place for me to scream at a wall if I need to. It helps. My blog is like a sacred space were I can say or do what’s needed to get my thoughts in order. It comes out in various forms creatively. As for anxiety and depression, I’ve tried to explain this to friends and family before, but it’s like living with your own personal high school bully, that causes you to second guess all of your actions.
Thank you for writing this.
What an insightful description of depression and anxiety. That is exactly what it is like. Much love to you.
I’m sorry for the loss of your two friends. You are right, there’s not enough communication. Communication not only to those who are suffering the mental illness, but those who take care of them.
The majority of my white hair (I color it) was brought on by a daughter who suffered with depression throughout her teen years. For those who are reading my words please let them be a reminder to not only give kind words to those who are suffering, but also to those who can use even a few seconds of a mental break from the stranglehold that grips the lives of those taking care of their depressed loved ones.
For you Chris, I wish you peace, love and joy. Those aren’t empty words spoken so I can move onto the next blog, my wish is taking the moment in my day to stop what I’m doing and offer a kind word. Take care of yourself and remember to center yourself into your passion so you are not dragged down by the sadness that surrounds you. Centering into your passion brings peace, love and joy. God bless you.
Well done Chris. I went through a bout with depression about fifteen years ago and it was awful. Thank goodness I had the support to help me through it. You have found a great sounding board and you have a great talent for writing. I think it is very brave of you to reach out and speak about this subject. I think many people want to and would help but depression is a hard thing to admit. Getting your thoughts and feelings out even if it’s typing them on a blog helps.
We are here to read and listen. I will help in any way I can. I believe others will too. Keep up the good work.
Thank you for giving life to a subject that many are still uncomfortable discussing.
Good-day Chris, as one being involved in the mental health community, I understand the value of being an ear to listen to those suffering and a shoulder to lean on. So much so I work with several agencies to start an outreach program which organised a group of outreach workers just to spend time with the mentally ill in their time of need. Psychiatrists, councillors and family could refer the mentally ill person into our program and we would meet with the person and listen and communicate with them, not just talk to them telling them what to do.
Myself, I took to writing in 1976, then I created my world setting, Quantos in 1978 and I started a personal frustration journal in 1980 which I kept the journal for writing my thoughts until I started blogging in 2008 and I started the Owertonna Challenge Blog which became the Bloodgrue Blog.
I became a traditionally published, but due to issues with the publisher I retracted my work after six months and now run a desktop web-publishing business of my own. I write several blogs and various publish articles including an e-zine.
But this all takes my mind to healthy places and I still keep my shoulder available and my ears open for my friends with depression and anxiety, helping them cope. I am 52 years old and I’ve only lost two souls so far and I worked directly in the mental health community for twenty years before retiring.
Reblogged this on Elizabeth Kaye Daugherty – Writer.
I too have lost people to suicide and do struggle with my own illnesses. Thanks very much for sharing this part of your life!
First post I’ve read from your blog, Chris, and what a powerful one. I’m so sorry for your losses. So very hard to understand and come to terms with.
I have been on both sides of the mental health divide tightrope: I’ve battled my own demons and I’ve supported people very close to me through their own journeys. Suicide has featured: thankfully those struggling have been able to pull back from the brink.
I agree, communication – real communication – is essential. And with the best will in the world, often incredibly difficult to achieve in these circumstances. Might I add another important ingredient into the mix? Acceptance; non-judgement. To know that someone else is able to accept what you’re experiencing without judgement. Even when communication is proving tough, to have that acceptance can make a difference.
(You’ve almost certainly written about this over your years of blogging so forgive for mentioning it. It’s just what came up for me as I read your words 🙂 )
Take good care
Thanks for writing this post, particularly the section on communication, and congratulations on four years of blogging.
The reason for the increase of “mental illness” is that we – humans – killed our core skills in the process of becoming so intelligent: the skill of loving, the skill of compassion, the skill of introspection, the skill of staying in the moment and enjoying what is. We replaced it with longing, pity and indifference. When we realize that the mental illness is gone and we find back who we are.
Very well said about an important issue.
Thank you for that, Chris, and I’m sorry for your loss.
very good write!
Congrats on making it to four years of blogging! Soon, I’ll be almost at one year, which thinking about fills me with so much joy. Also would like to say I’m sorry for the loss of your two friends. But your right. Depression and other forms of mental health are rarely talked about. If anything, people try and avoid those discussions because they don’t know how the people who love them will react. So I appreciate that you’ve taken time to write this blog post because talking about these issues is important and we as a society need to do it more often because that’s the only way things will ever change.
Where do you blog Raney? When clicking on your icon I get a blog that does not exist anymore.
That’s really weird. I just clicked on my name and noticed that too. Hmmmm, should probably fix that. Anyway, here’s the link to my blog: https://vookthevook.wordpress.com/
Thank you for letting me know about that! 🙂
Found it now. 🙂
And followed
Thanks for sharing your experiences and you did a great job of discussing such a delicate topic so clearly. Hopefully we’ll get to a point where we start to communicate as a society in a more substantial way; it’s great that “we” have started to talk about mental health but things won’t improve until we start to communicate with each other. That’s a really important distinction and I respect the fact that you took the time to make it clear.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friends, and so agree with your perspective. Deep listening, being vulnerable and authentic are all essential parts of communication which we need to do a better job of.
Thank you for your powerful writing.
With love.
Chris your a star …and congrats on your 4 years of blogging ….I’ve been following you pretty much since I started and love your writing:):):):):)
As for this particular post ….
Yep …..why is it that folk feel they are somehow immune to ‘mental illness’? …..or ‘psychological distress’ as I like to call it WHATEVER the ‘diagnosis’ ……to me distress is distress but covers a range ….and yep folk might not like that but hey ho …..for me it kind of ‘normalises ‘ it ….because it’s often viewed as way over there ….a scary monster under the bed that if you ignore won’t exist ….
And I’ll dare to say something else here as well ….you see years ago folk used to have the same attitude to cancer ….you know …were too scared to talk about it ….now I’m not going to underestimate cancer …a bloody horrible disease and associated treatments BUT sufferers are seen as heroic battlers ….almost held in high esteem
WELL …people suffering mentally are ALSO fighting a battle …and sadly like your friends there are devastating losses there too …..
An acknowledgement that ANYONE can suffer to a greater or lesser degree is a start ….get the topic out there in the open …the damn bloody stupid taboo only adds to the situation ….forcing folk to stay silent with feelings of guilt and shame ….and it is NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!! ….only then will folk seek the support they need and root causes be explored.
And I’m sorry if this sounds like some kind of ‘righteous rant’ but it is a subject close to my heart on a number of levels:)
Great post, I really feel for your losses – I am lucky that I never lost anyone to suicide, I don’t know how I would react really. It is good that your blog has been good for you as a creative outlet to help sort you out, it has done good things for me to.
Wishing you all the best
James
Reblogged this on AGrowingMind.
Thank you for writing. Just had this conversation with my husband today. If you look at the number of violent events that are happening in the world today, and focus on what really needs ‘communicating’; it is not terrorism that we need to be looking at, but mental health issues. The help is just not there. I am not suggesting that we create fear, but that we start to investigate the issues and become proactive. As the family member of someone with acute mental health issues, I know how blatantly lacking the mental health care system is. Keep writing! So sorry to hear of your losses.
I needed to see this today. I am at least one person who has been inspired to communicate; to speak and to listen about mental health, anxiety and depression by reading your words. Breaking down stereotypes and the stigma of mental illness is not for the faint-hearted. For me, the cliche one day at a time works … some times it is even seconds or minutes or hours within that one day. Very little engine that could. I think I can, I think I can. Never give up! Easier said than done of course.I am very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your genuine, heartfelt thoughts and vulnerability with us, Chris Nicholas. I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, remember well the hopelessness and despair brought on by severe depression, and like you, was helped and comforted by kind and caring strangers who stopped by my first crappy little blog, too. I understand, too, how we can find ourselves, and learn, and grow through our writing, and how this form of expression offers us a way through, and up, and onward through life. Keep writing. {{{Hugs}}} to you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your phenomenal insight. It’s amazing how words can provide a safe haven and a way back to the light. Keep going strong. 🙂
I’m sorry it’s been so rough, but I’m glad for another anniversary of a good blog. Keep up the good work. ❤
Love this Chris…. Very heartfelt….. Hope you’re doing well and I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of loved ones in your life. Take care…. ~M
What a beautiful, deep and disturbing post, Chris. Your approach to the shortcomings of how so many people relate to mental health is spot on.
Having been the daughter, wife of two and the mother of one, combat veterans who all suffered the effects of combat fatigue/shell shock/PTSD, as well as having a daughter who became suicidal from domestic abuse, I know that it’s crucial to learn how to communicate…sadly, we sometimes don’t quite get it right (or are too late) – and lose our friends and loved ones.
To be able to communicate with those who are depressed, mentally ill and/or suicidal requires those listening skills of which you speak, but it also demands a heart for these individuals.
I am a retired minister; it was so fulfilling to be involved with elder care and volunteer at two of our local VA’s and hospice centers. I’d like to think that I helped many, but I know that I failed a few. Those few times dropped me right in the midst of deep depression, also, giving me a taste of what I was trying to help with, in others.
I hope I’ve learned from my experiences, but I know, too, that reading posts like this one helps me to remember to Communicate.
I’m have high hopes that your decision to write through your pain helps you as much as it does those who read you 😌
Grateful for your honesty about your dark times and your journey into the light. Sometimes I’m not sure that it is an individual’s mental illness that drives them to suicide, but perhaps their innate idealism and greater awareness of the pervasive decay of our society. It’s been a long journey for me from dreams of making a difference to coming to terms with how little any of us can actually do to gaining the courage to persevere in my tiny life. Learning to live without certainty and to trust that being a tiny spot of paint needed to complete an infinitely larger painting that I cannot see doesn’t take away the times of heart break, but has kept me following a trail of breadcrumbs of joy in the hope that there is meaning even in the suffering. I, like you, am confronting, accepting and becoming tender toward my tiny raggedy self through blogging. The other incredible benefit is connecting on a meaningful level with people across the globe of every nationality, gender, age and spirituality. We share the same hearts….the deeper we go, the more we realize that we really are all one. I am so grateful at seventy-nine that I lived long enough to experience this through the internet.
An oasis.
Your blog is an oasis. A magnate identified with. I’m so happy for the folk who endure some kind of affliction which draws them to you, and your blog. Awesome. Terrific, and fight on. You do well, and better. Your compassion and openness are both a gift. I write about these subjects a lot. I don’t have a big audience, it is what it is. I don’t possess the vulnerability which you possess, though I tell truth, it is frightening at times. Some are not ready for that. I really see my role so, I will continue, I plant a seed of a sort, the future revealing. Memory playing its part. May God richly bless you and your work. I did struggle with Anxiety as a kid, very early. Perhaps I have lost that sense of incapacity, the model of one who journeys, still searching. No doubt, I am not better, yet I am perceived as unapproachable to an extent. Ciao
Profound….I am a counselor-in-training and it has been one of the most difficult journeys of my life. A few weeks ago we are in group counseling and I stated one tidbit of information and was completely accosted without anyone actually listening. I became so uncomfortable I wanted to leave, my eyes were pricked with tears. Instantly, I was the bad person without this group knowing my history. I returned the next week, stated my issues with the group: “Listening is the greatest gift you can give anyone.” My condolence for your loss and don’t give up.
Well done, as I am in my 50’s and seeing more and more of the same. I can understand your point. But, will mankind recognize a need for change, or educate better? We can only hope. There are so many things we all see, talk about, or blog. We tell ourselves that is “common sense”, or many the lack there of. Society needs to look more inward, before it can change outwardly.
Distance knows no measure, you are not alone. Your words are so inspiring and as someone who has suffered so much loss I could only see darkness, I know how difficult it is to put your heart and feelings out for the world to judge and see. Thank you for sharing…I pray for your comfort. I now how hard it is to get up and keep going…..It’s another one of those things that just doesn’t make sense and isn’t fair ….
I pressed the like button. It’s not that I “like” the topic or necessarily even to read about it, because some of it hurts in the deep places of my being, but I do like your courage writing about it all as honestly as you can. I appreciate you sharing your life experiences here.
You are right about the difference between talking and communication and the importance of real honest to God communication to someone who needs it. I’ve seen some aspects of that happening but not enough. It’s rare to be “heard” in that sense……
Sometimes I wish I had been able to listen better.
Really great post! I believe the suicides come from the sense of aloneness we feel when our minds are tormenting us. I have known too many people who have killed themselves and they often didn’t get the emotional help they needed and turned to drugs instead, making their sense of isolation worse. That and the stigma that goes with mental health issues can cause people to believe they’re worthless. Keep writing, like you it has saved me too. We need to live to speak up!
Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
Reblogged this on Art by Rob Goldstein and commented:
“People are talking; or at least they are more willing to do so. And yet no one is communicating. What we are hearing when we talk to one another is the fake sound of progress. God, I hope that makes sense.”
Outstanding post. You connected here. The talking without communicating I am painfully aware of. Thank you for sharing this!
ps – I’ve lost a couple friends to suicide; I would not wish that pain on anyone. If I could send you anything – it would be a quiet inner peace.
This is a wonderful post. You’re right. There are organizations out there who try to help but I think those who are closest to us are most lacking. It is difficult to address mental illness, especially if it affects someone you know and love…and especially if they weren’t always “mentally ill.” Deep depression is a form of mental illness but too often, we hear “get over it. Move on. Pick yourself up and carry on.” Its’ so cavalierly said…maybe with good intentions but that’s not the answer. It’s difficult to understand the effects of depression, or any other mental illness if you aren’t willing to at least address that it is a REAL disease. It’s not somebody going to a “dark place” or “being a drama queen” or being weak.
There’s that famous line “suicide is painless.” Some suicides are but not for the people left behind. Sometimes, people feel it is the only way out…the only way they will have relief..,.the only way to squelch the demons.
The subject of mental illness used to be taboo. In some ways, it still is. I know that I am mentally ill. I have been severely depressed for more than ten years. Those “close” to me use the same jargon….”get over it,” So easy to say.
When I was in depression, I sought to find help. No one could understand me. I, myself didn’t for one feel anything. It became worse, so much that I was caught in a nightmare, lucid dreaming and derealization. One of the darkest days of my life. Complicated by ill-health and out of work, came under tranquilizers and became a robot. That was 8 years ago. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Chris, I’m glad I came across your blog. I’ve suffered from panic attacks most of my life, am now panic free. My daughter had them too, but she’s also panic free. I didn’t reach out for medical help for way too many years, because I was ashamed of my symptoms, I didn’t think anyone would ever understand. This is such an important subject, and one I’m passionate about. Now I’m a mental health advocate, doing my small part to help end the stigma. I agree with you. People need to really see mental illness as an illness. A real one, like diabetes or heart issues. I take meds for high blood pressure. I also take meds for anxiety. No shame in that! Thank you for this powerful post. I just followed your blog, and look forward to more. Take care! Jenny
Great piece. Shared it. Thank you.
This is such an important post. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression I can definitely agree on a lot of points (I too got into blogging as an escape). We definitely need to improve the conversation regarding mental illness. Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry for your losses.
Beautiful article!
❤
I too believe that talking about it helps people become aware that depression is horrible. I never understood why it’s ok for your body to feel ill sometimes, it’s taboo for your mind to do the same. Perhaps it’s because depression can take many forms from withdrawal to lashing out and can be tough to recognize in others.
Thank you for shedding some light on a tough subject – your writing is inspirational. I am sorry for your loss and hope you keep writing for a long time Chris!
You are a beautiful soul, Chris Nicholas. Don’t let your heart drown in tears. It is too late to change the past, but never too late to wake up and do something in the present to create a brighter future. Your writing – and the profound care that shines through it – has impacted many lives and it will many more. Chin up, I am sending you a hug ❤
Beautiful post! An eye opener indeed!
As someone who has tried and failed at suicide, it’s the disconnection in our society which I find troubling. While we are always “connected” people rarely connect in person and on an emotional level. For me I don’t want to hear solutions to what other perceive as my problems. What I need is validation that my feelings, my emotions are normal and it’s okay. I just need to give it time and I need not the be forgotten. Depression makes many people uncomfortable so rather than being in the muck with me, they desert me.