The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

‘I tried to be human, but humans all lie.’

– Zachary Britt

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I have an obsession with masks. Ever since I started writing I’ve unintentionally created characters that shield themselves from the world and have been fascinated with the idea of mystery. It all started with Renegade; a story about a masked vigilante murdering men and women he considered to be a burden on society. From there it progressed into tales of plague doctors, cloaked gangs, and faceless men whose features never see the light of day. Even Midas has a character whose face is hidden beneath a gasmask and never exposed to the reader.

I used to believe that this obsession with concealing one’s face came from a love of comic books. I’ve long been a huge fan of characters like Alan Moore’s Rorschach or V, and even more mainstream heroes like batman. But now as I grow older and maybe just a little wiser, I’m starting to realise that my fixation with masks has less to do with a love of superheroes and more to do with the fragility of my own psychological makeup. It appears as if I have some repressed identity issues that continuously arise through my writing.

Whoa. Let’s slow down a second so you can wrap your head around that one…It’s an idea so obscure that it will undoubtedly cause you to frown in bewilderment: a writer with identity issues? Who would have thought imagined such a thing!

Sarcasm aside, I’ve suddenly found myself on my seemingly endless journey of self-discovery staring at a series of masks I use to conceal my true face, wondering why I feel the need to veil myself. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel human and to connect to a world that often baffles me. I’ve yearned to be able to reach out and touch the heart and soul of my fellow man and woman. I’ve longed to be able to understand their thoughts, feelings, and compulsions. All I wanted was to be human so I created a series of masks that would allow me to do so. There’s only one small problem: humans lie.

We lie because we are fallible. Because without the imperfections of our deceptions and defamations we as a species couldn’t be as beautifully flawed as we are. It’s our idiosyncrasies and emotional shortcomings that make us perfectly imperfect and allow us to flourish. But those same eccentricities that make us so incredible can also be dangerous to our creative health and our soul if left untouched. Yet many of us choose to abandon the wondrous features that are all our own in an effort to conform and fit in. As I stare at my masks mounted on the wall of my den I find myself bewildered that the façades I’ve cultivated to seem normal are identical to the disguises worn by my peers. Normal doesn’t exist. We’re all exceptional in our own right, yet for some misguided reason we try to diminish our worth to become part of a crowd.

Imagine the surprise on the face of the wolf hidden beneath a veil of human flesh when he learns that not only is he not alone in his masquerade, but that he is identical to everyone else in his attempts to become at one with the world!

For me my identity issues are pretty easily defined: at the age of eighteen I chose a path seldom travelled and decided I wanted to be a novelist. I spent eight long years fumbling my way through an industry riddled with pitfalls and no clearly defined route to success. While my friends started trades or completed university degrees I wrote manuscripts, submitted them to agents and publishers and awaited an opportunity to break into the industry. There has never been a definitive beginning or end to my journey so over time I grew self-conscious of the fact that while I struggled to create a career out of my passion others around me prospered. People would ask me what I do for a job and I’d feel a piece of me die as I told them, adding “but I also write novels” on the end in an attempt to validate my own inadequacies.

But then something remarkable happened and my story was picked up and put into print (it’s available now on Amazon!) and I started to realise that I no longer needed to lie about who I was and what I wanted to be. The masks that I’d spent so long constructing and masquerading before the eyes of my peers suddenly appeared gaudy and unnecessary. After eight years of lying about who I am and begging for acceptance (a process that often saw me fall into fits of aggression and angst) I’ve now learned to embrace myself and see that I was never the only one lying in a desperate attempt to feel accepted.

Sadly some people will never feel comfortable enough in their own skin to remove their masks and allow their face the opportunity to breathe. They are forever doomed to suffocate underneath the weight of their own inability to accept just how perfect their flaws actually are. They’ll spend an eternity with mask so perfect but a mind so bitter and a heart so broken because they’re desperate to appear cool or feel accepted. The crazy part is that by doing so they’ll unintentionally deny themselves the opportunity of being just that. They’ll lie to themselves and say that they’re more beautiful when concealed beneath a thin façade of self-deceit while the rest of the world yearns to see the pureness of their soul unveiled.

After eight years of writing I’ve decided that I’m always going to have an affliction for masks. I will forever find beauty in the savage imagery of a plague doctor or a hacktivist wearing a Guy Fawkes mask fighting for what he believes in. But I’ve learned to remove my own. There’s no point in trying to be human by way of hiding my humanity and imperfections behind a false exterior. Freedom comes from being prepared to let go of your inhibitions and accept the beauty of your flaws. To be willing to freefall into yourself is the most human thing you can ever do.

No man hidden behind a mask can ever achieve such a wonderful feat.

28 thoughts on “Mask

  1. Chris, great post! I can identify with what you are saying. It is great to narrow your writing down to at least one strong character or characteristics of one character. Good for you. I look forward to reading those stories. 🙂

    1. nvsubbaraman says:

      Great MASK Mr. Nicholas. Congratulations for your creative thinking.

  2. barrira says:

    This is moving. So glad you’ve found your way and yes we all constantly seem to be hiding behind masks

  3. steelewendy says:

    Glad you are happy with the man behind the mask….took me a lot more years! New moon blessings and best of luck with your writing:-)

  4. Another amazing post. To celebrate, I’m ordering your book right NOW.

  5. Danika Tay says:

    Hello… I just wanted to say WOW… I have a rule never to send emails when I have had a few wines… But that post I very much enjoyed and if I were asked to sum it up in one word I would say ‘wow’… Keep doing what you are doing… keep fighting the good fight… 🙂 Danika Date: Wed, 18 Feb 2015 10:28:45 +0000 To: danika.tay@hotmail.com

  6. Paula says:

    I love this! Now to peel back the mask behind the mask…..down the rabbit hole
    I look forward to reading more of your posts – and your book!! Congrats!

  7. Wow! I had to read this several times to truly understand. Got to be honest I thought this was too intellectual (not sure thats the right word really) but I do understand what you are saying and I am still on my journey to reveal but hope to soon be able to reveal. Huge congratulations on your book!

  8. Sonya Larose says:

    Beautiful. Glad you removed your mask.

  9. Léa says:

    As an intuitive person but also as a therapist, I find that many people wear mask. The surprise is that not everyone wears one. Good post!

  10. Talking Knife says:

    This is very nice. Thought into words into actions. I’m rather attached to my masks but I like that there are people out there who have managed to free themselves of the burden of their own. I like the line about freefalling into yourself. Such a frightening thing to contemplate.

  11. Sharron says:

    I have met a few people who do not use or own masks and they are free spirits. I myself have often hidden behind a mask of respectability. That’s funny. But, I do know that sometimes I hide and sometimes I let it down and I know the difference. I think most people are like that. At times during our lives we use our masks to defer pain or inadequacies. I have noticed that as I get older the mask shows up less and less! There just is not a need for it anymore as I am happy with myself.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love company and appreciate the visit. Oh yes, love the walking the dog photo!

  12. ibdunn says:

    Nice posting -very deep and I can relate as I think most can …

  13. daywells says:

    Chris, I see we have been thinking along the same lines. I’m wondering how in the web you found me? Glad you did. Look forward to reading more of your words.

  14. Arman says:

    I love this piece 🙂 Part of me, wants to pry these masks off people to see what really lies underneath… and part of me is willing to be patient until the other person is comfortable enough to take their mask off and show you who they really are.. it’s quite exhilarating. Personally I think I started taking my masks off when I hit my 30’s and went through the process of unravelling that’s inevitable in a divorce after 11 years of marriage. My own insecurities and flaws are what makes me unique, so I guess I have finally reached a place of acceptance of myself 🙂

  15. wunderbloke says:

    Reading your article I feel a need for self-realization. It seems present in all of us and ‘the mask’ provides us that opportunity to understand ourselves only through our actions, motives, plans, etc. and not from the different masks we wear on a daily basis due to the societal requirements. On a lighter note, masks are quite in fashion everywhere these days 🙂

  16. Freefalling into yourself– great line. Nice post, Chris.

  17. JC says:

    Powerful, it makes you want to celebrate yourself.

  18. aj vosse says:

    Is the concept of freedom not another mask we hide behind?

    1. nvsubbaraman says:

      Yes; one way of looking at the world!

  19. Wonderful post! Very inspiring~ keep on your life path writing, you are great!

  20. rebecca says:

    Lovely! Thanks for your visit and like at soulsisterwisdom 🙂 Have a great day!

  21. Bunk Strutts says:

    Masks are for cowards, and cowards are assholes. Not being an asshole is a lost art.
    Not quite as poetic, but so what. =D

    1. nvsubbaraman says:

      So nothing. Carry on!

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