The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Before we begin I want your undivided attention. Take a moment to turn off the television, cut the music, and shut down that second page of your web browser. Focus on me. Just for a few minutes.

Imagine that we’re face-to-face. You’re staring me dead in the eye while I talk. But I’m not talking at you, or to you. We’re communicating at a deeper level than that. I’m speaking yes, but the words are filtering through your ears and into your mind to a place in your subconscious that you never knew existed. Focus. Look into my eyes. Look beyond them. Look past the characteristic hollowness they portray and witness my soul. There’s no pretense here. There’s no hiding. There’s just you and I. You are in the presence of a wolf and a world eater who masquerades himself as a writer, and he’s showing you his benevolence.

I don’t often write about writing. An interesting notion considering the whole purpose of this site is to explore my own immersion into the world of literature. Instead I write posts covering a wide array of emotions. I write about my anger, my isolation, my loves, successes, failures, and about a million other things. I’ve written about my arrogance numerous times. I’ve spoken of my lower moments and battles with depression. I’ve penned pieces on racial acceptance and unification. I’ve labeled myself as a world eater. I’ve called myself a wolf. And for a long time I referred to myself as the best damn writer you’ve never heard of.

But I feel as though I’ve never really explained myself. I’ve accepted vulnerability and openly acknowledged my shortcomings. But the concept of the wolf, and the strength garnered from the world eater label has never really been fleshed out in public. They have been topics I’ve touched upon momentarily during diatribes of disillusioned prose. But I’ve never elaborated because they are titles I place great reverence on. To me they’re more than mere monikers I use to illustrate myself to my readership. They are symbols of strength; marques of success earned through battles with personal demons. In many respects they are ideas that saved me.

Nonetheless I think I’m ready to share their meaning with you…

I’ve always told myself that I’m different. I’ve strived towards becoming a distinct singularity that stands outs amongst a sea of my peers. At points this yearning has led to moments of elation and great success, but it’s also left me isolated and alone more often than I would care to admit. My desire to become unique means that I struggle to gel with conventional education, or conventional thinking; I mean, why would I want to learn how to perceive the world through the eyes of structured learning? Why would I want to learn how to ascertain black from white when all I see is kaleidoscope of colour?

I’m a creative soul with a hunger to learn but the attention span of a six year old. I’ve got at least three manuscripts under construction at any given point. Then there are the university studies, half constructed blog posts, and ideas still brewing in the back of my mind. I’m an intellectual dog chasing cars, running down one idea, only to change course and pursue something else.

I live in my head, just as I know many of my readers do. But I’m so often engrossed with myself and my aspirations of grandeur that when I do manage to look up at the world around me I feel disconnected and resentful. I don’t understand much of the world, nor does it appear to understand me. Which is why for all of my desires to be different, one of my greatest fears is that I am totally alone in my thoughts. I believe in humanity. I believe in freedom of expression, in love, respect and life. I don’t care for labels of colour or creed. And someone’s financial or sociopolitical stature bears no weight in my judgment of his or her character. But when you are a twenty six year old male trying to carve out a niche as an author you are expected to at least fain interest in such things.

For a time this left me feeling broken. I often felt as though the world was eating me alive. I didn’t care about which celebrity was in a sex tape, or who was dating whom. I couldn’t pretend like there was importance in television shows designed to create instant superstars with an expiry date of ten minutes. I cared about people who were trying to make a difference: artists and philanthropists striving to be a beacon of light in a darkened world. Yet even as I drew inspiration from these muses I felt this intense pressure to conform to the ideas and interests of others. That oppression led to depression and my life became a constant battle to exert myself.

So I started writing to quell a few inner demons and fulfill a desire to be different. But the more that I wrote and the more that I began to embrace my vulnerabilities the more that I realized I was never as alone as I thought. Through writing I’ve met people just like me from countries near and far who believed that they were isolated and alone, but found strength and unity through art. Their strengths and their support ultimately became my vigor and reason to create. Through the kind words and support of strangers through this website I became brave enough to stand before a world I thought was trying to consume me and be naked and exposed. Through writing I learned how to swallow fear and uncertainty and use it to inspire others.

The moniker of the world eater is simply this: I refuse to be broken again by a world of differing ideals simply because I believe in the better angels of our nature. I refuse to feel inadequate or undeserving, and I believe in my inner strength to overcome the anxieties and fears that left me feeling hopeless.

The truth is that I’m neither different nor alone. There are thousands of people just like me all over the globe. They are the thinkers and dreamers; a community of exceptional individuals who challenge conventional rational and use their passions as a means to overcome a world that seemingly works incongruously to them. They are men and women, rich and poor, sinners and saints, Christian, Muslim, Atheists, and others with a desire to make this world a better place; one small deed at a time. It’s this desire and passion that makes them world eaters in their own right.

Which brings me back to you. We’re still face-to-face. You’re still watching my eyes. But as I talk that characteristic hollowness of expression flickers and a universe of possibilities explodes across my retinas. The flashfloods of potential are so fast that you second-guess that you even saw them. But as you stare at me and your mind processes the words I speak you realize that we’re one in the same. You’re staring into a reflection of your own soul. You’ve got passions, you’ve got dreams and you believe in life. You wouldn’t have made it this far if you didn’t.

You are an eater of worlds, just as I am. You’re brave, you’re bold, and you’re amazing. But most importantly you have the power to change your world. You just have to believe in yourself.

51 thoughts on “The Eater of Worlds

  1. gpeynon says:

    Wow. Deep. Thanks.

  2. Lerry says:

    wonderful thoughts. 🙂

  3. I NEED YOU! xD I can conclude that you’re a romanticist, like me. Truly, we are at such a shallow level and forget to help the fellow human around us 😮 Thanks for reminding me that there’s still people like you. Phew.

  4. I so needed to read this today.
    Profound thanks.

  5. Reblogged this on cuppajoeandthou and commented:
    I am sharing this because it meant so much to me this morning. Some days my cuppa joe is enjoyed most reading the inspirations that come from thou. I certainly can’t top this today. I’m just starting out and this journey is already threatening to undo me at times. But we carry on, do we not?

  6. I think we all feel kind of isolated at times. Isn’t that what our characters are for? To connect to someone even if they are just figments of our imagination? Anyway great piece!

  7. enigmaticdork says:

    Very well said 🙂

  8. inesbeatrice says:

    Reblogged this on inesbeatrice and commented:
    Basically as soon as I made this blog I found people willing to support me–strangers that have never spoken to or met me in real life, people that may never come face to face with me in the future. What brought us together (aside from the obvious answer: this site) was a shared interest and perhaps a desire to learn something new from someone far away, or an interest in art or self-improvement.

    I know personally how important it is for myself to know that what I am writing has an audience– at least one reader (aside from myself) that has a vested interest in my work. A good friend of mine was that inspiration, that driving force, which helped me complete the first draft of my manuscript titled “The Scar.” I sent him the new sections as I finished them and had a little burst of success each time that urged me to work on the next part right away.

    One of the people who I am very thankful to have found through this blog is Chris Nicholas and his site Renegade Press. I have to say that each of his pieces that I have read so far have touched me on quite a personal level, both because I wish to be able to write things as affecting and because some of the expressed sentiments mirror my own almost a bit too closely for comfort. In other words: his words cut deep and I mean that in the best way possible.

    I’ve wanted to mention, respond to and reference Renegade Press (because as you can see from my previous posts I enjoy using my work as a sort of dialogue or conversation between artists and creators) to highlight which bits specifically spoke to me and why. I will do that in time, but for now I want to share the entirety of the post entitled “The Eater of Worlds” because it is immensely powerful and I doubt whether any artist at some time or another hasn’t felt similar emotions.

    A big thank you and lots of support to you Chris of Renegade Press.

    Cheers!

    ~Ines

  9. Very captivating from the beginning and very powerful! And, so true. So, very true. It’s funny to think that someone else has had these same feelings just like you. I don’t know which part to pull from, but I’ll choose this one: “You’re brave, you’re bold, and you’re amazing. But most importantly you have the power to change your world. You just have to believe in yourself.” Well said! Amen to this and thank you for words of encouragement that we all need – at any given time.

  10. Haylee says:

    Great post! It brought smiles with the paragraph that begins ‘I am a creative soul with a hunger to learn…’ and made me quite emotional by the end. Im no expert but I’d say that’s definitely a sign of a good writer if you can alter people’s feelings that way. 🙂

  11. I, too, live in my head. Dragon is strong and beautiful, but most of the time I am not bold enough to claim her power and be an eater of worlds. Your words are an inspiration. Perhaps someday I will believe in myself.

  12. blondieaka says:

    An inspiring and thought provoking post…..Me on a page really I have always thought and dreamed in my head and believed It’s just me ..alone….but you know I never wanted to change I didn’t want to be the same as everyone else or maybe I wanted to be the same but different…..Great post and don’t change 🙂

  13. nanciec13 says:

    A number four on the enneagram?

  14. Unfortunately Chris we can not change the world. No one could stop Hitler, no one can stop Mugabe. The world is indeed a kaleidoscope of colour, but it all eventually separates down to black and white, just like the black letters we write on the white backgrounds of our blogs.

  15. ThisLifeAsTaylor says:

    Wow, so much accuracy. Beautiful.

  16. æon says:

    I am so very grateful for your posts.

  17. Kath says:

    Wow and thanks for dropping by my page, Chris.

  18. Chloangel87 says:

    “You’re staring into a reflection of your own soul.” Very well written. Your words were indeed a reflection of how I feel when I write. They were a description of exactly how I felt when I stared my blog also. Thank You.

  19. margecake says:

    thanks for stopping by my blog, glad I found yours. Very inspiring words!

  20. akhilababu says:

    I was captivated in the beginning itself. It truly was like someone talking straight to me. As I got deeper into it, it was like hearing what I actually feel when I write and then, “You’re staring into a reflection of your own soul.” You got me there.
    This is an amazingly inspiring blog post.

  21. “I’m an intellectual dog chasing cars, running down one idea, only to change course and pursue something else”
    I feel you. Its what I myself tend to do a lot of times.
    Also, I do share your views on not being in sync with the ‘Contemporary’ or ‘Cool’ trends n crazes, and know what? that’s okay. Very few people remain who prefer class over glamour, and be proud you are one of them..
    As always, your writing does make me stop and take notice. Keep up the good work!

    The Copper Chick

    1. One such great thing I observed that, I am not the only beast in this jungle.

  22. very Inspiring. Thanks a lot for this. we all need some encouragement, we really do

  23. Nazia Ali says:

    ‘But most importantly you have the power to change your world. You just have to believe in yourself’……wow, keep writing and inspiring

  24. bloody brilliant is how i would put it! so captivating! you’re a beautifully vulnerable writer. 🙂

  25. April says:

    Great post, man. I know I’ve found more immediately closer internet friends since my blog has gone more to fiction than any other iteration. More people who just get it, just get writing and the thrill and the joy and the misery of it. And absolutely amazing writers! The words! The glory!

    Seriously, great post, world eater.

  26. LoveForGrace says:

    I absolutely love this… written with so much heart … Cheers to those that look for beauty and talent that you only find when you look a little deeper…

  27. This is amazing. Thank you for the encouragement at the end. 🙂

  28. kirstwrites says:

    Your writing sends a shiver down my spine. Very powerful and as many other commenters have said, captivating.

  29. Beautifully written! Thank you for the great read!

  30. Goosebumps the whole time. Eye-opening, relatable, smart.

  31. I simply loved it ❤
    Happy to connect. . Do check out my writings too, will appreciate your reviews 😊
    P. S – one of the best blogs I came across 😇

  32. Looking deep into your eyes, and beyond, has been…..amazing. Thank you! ❤

  33. smscott2 says:

    The naked truth… brought tears to my eyes – tears of connection for what we all feel at times. Thank you

  34. I love what you do with words. Reading you is a treat. Keep up the great work.
    I’ll be glad if you could visit my blog too 🙂

  35. Csisza says:

    “I’m neither different nor alone” … awakening of a dreamer, gives energy and passionate words to the others, thank you Chris!

  36. Like the way you write, Here’s a reply in my own style 😉 :

    Beyond those eyes, beyond the conventional thinking…
    There’s always a you,always a me…
    We have known each other, more than the world knows either…
    Connected with the passions, Hypnotized with emotions…
    We are the world eaters…the wolves…

  37. So beautiful and very regenerating ! I’m a little bit like you. I feel different and stranger in this world (at least in my country i think), physically and in my thoughts. It’s often hard to me to believe in myself.

  38. Amazingly written from a place deep in your soul that envelopes your spirit. I love that you, while seeing the struggle in being “different” as you term, it also see the absolute beauty in being different as well. I, like you, long for a day when society can finally view individualism and lack of conformity “within the confines of our laws” as a grand thing to be celebrated bc it absolutely is. I long for the day when those who have spent our lives slightly off kilter become the “normal” that isn’t really a normal at all. GreatLynna written piece and thank you for opening up yourself to let your readers experience it as well as you!

  39. I read your top three posts and I can say that there is so much passion behind each and every one of them. I can feel the genuinity of every word and just as you mentioned we really are similar, us writers. You inspire me to write my truth more and fear the possible consequences less. 🙂

  40. I like your positivity 😉

  41. Profundity in simplicity…

  42. Hi! I saw that you liked my first post on my new blog: https://llamasandcheeseumbrellas.wordpress.com/
    So I thought I should check out your blog. It’s beautiful, there’s so much passion in your words, I get sucked in. I feel so connected to you. That’s what I want people to feel like when they read my blog. I believe that everyone is normal, just as everyone is weird. ‘There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so’ (by Shakespeare). Just like that, nobody is either weird or normal, but thinking makes it so. Thank you for finding time to read my blog 🙂

  43. Debbie L says:

    Congratulations! You’ve snagged me!

  44. The beginning itself ensured that I stick till the end of it and I did. Absolutely enjoyed reading this Chris, and could relate to it in bits and pieces. You are so thoughtful. Keep writing. God Bless

  45. Lanie ❤ says:

    Whoa! 👏👏👏👏👏

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