Have you ever reached a point in your life where it feels like you are holding a wolf by its ears? A point where you have somehow wrestled every single aspect of your chaotic life into a (barely) manageable timetable that you bust your arse just to keep in check? – Well right now, that’s my life. Chaotic would be an understatement. Even calling it exhausting would seem less than fitting.
Since my last blog my life has become incredibly frantic, and I have done everything within my power to keep a handle on each component as best I can. But despite my best efforts it’s getting increasingly difficult to maintain the insane pace of my current existence. In the past two weeks I’ve moved house, worked non-stop, recommenced university for the year, and had some rather unexpected (and extremely positive) contact with the Brooklyn based literary agent mentioned in my last post. And it is this final point threatening to disturb my barely manageable timetable and leave me teetering on the verge of another writing induced meltdown.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely thrilled and humbled by the incredible feedback that my work has received from an external body. It’s something that every writer strives for; for someone to deem their work and their skill set to be of a publishable quality. But the fact that I am still editing the work has left me in the difficult situation of trying to finalise the edit as quickly as possible whilst still maintaining a keen eye to tweak and edit the manuscript’s finer details. I realise now that submitting a query to an agent when my script was still undergoing an edit was about as intelligent as pissing into the wind. But in all fairness I never expected such an efficient turnaround time from a company located halfway around the world.
Every spare moment I have right now is dedicated to finalising my script so that it can be sent in its entirety to the agent so that a final decision can be made in regards to the marketability of the finished product. I am quietly confident that what I have will be successful, but it’s still a daunting concept to know that each day will follow the same exact process of rising at five o’clock in the morning to edit before working an eight hour day, to then return home and dive straight back into my editing until I’m happy with the end result. And I’m doing this whilst still trying to juggle my university studies and maintain a social life. My body hates me for all the hours of inactivity it is enduring lately. I’m exhausted and I feel like shit after spending such long portions of the day painstakingly dissecting a piece of work that I already know like the back of my hand. But I will continue on this path of reckless inactivity until I can proudly proclaim my edit complete and submit a fully polished script to my agent.
But alas, this is the life that I chose to live when I (foolishly) decided to set myself the goal of becoming a published author; a life of anxiety, inactivity, and sheer frustration over the fact that my edit is still roughly two weeks from completion. I know that right now I am holding a wolf by its ears as I struggle to realise my dream whilst maintaining a normal existence. But if my labours pay off than the spoils will far outweigh the countless hours slaving over laptop, pen and paper.
Patience is bitter. But its fruit is sweet. – Aristotle.
One thought on “Holding a wolf by its ears”
I like your dedication – you’ve accomplished quite a bit since this post. Inspiring. 🙂